


The End of the Bar

by thekatthatbarks



Category: Naruto
Genre: Disability, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt and comfort, Light Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22286701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekatthatbarks/pseuds/thekatthatbarks
Summary: The bar was long, the cold metal unforgiving underneath her tight grip. It felt endless, never ending. Sakura could feel her feet slipping, wondering how she could ever get to the end of it.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Nara Shikamaru
Comments: 12
Kudos: 78





	The End of the Bar

Sakura stumbled against the cold bar as sweat matted her brow. She cursed under her breath at the pain in her hip from moving wrong. She tried to step again, succeeded, and then almost fell on her next one. “ _Dammit_.”

She could feel his eyes on her and felt her face flush in embarrassment. He was both a comfort and a frustration. She didn’t want him to see her like this. So _broken_ , fumbling around like one of his fawn dear on new legs. She chuckled humorlessly under her breath at the analogy. She supposed she wasn’t that different from a fawn. Though she didn’t think people looked over fawn with sympathy and pity.

“Sakura, we should stop for today.” His voice broke through her thoughts and she felt so tired. She looked over at him, seeing him with a soft smile and a wheelchair by his side. Her eyes fell from his handsome face to the metal wheels. She felt her face twist in anger, and she tried to calm down closing her eyes. She didn’t want to spend her life angry, but it was so _hard_ sometimes.

A hand covered hers on the bar accompanied by a kind voice. “Sakura. It’s only temporary.”

She nodded and sat down in the chair, still avoiding Shikamaru’s eyes. He didn’t push her or even offer to – he’d become close enough to her to know it would be the last thing she wanted – and Sakura wheeled herself back to her room with him by her side.

Sakura hobbled over to her bed as Shikamaru closed the door behind them. She leaned back into the pillows, noticing the blanket that was draped over one of the guest chairs. “Whose blanket is that?”

“Yours.” Shikamaru came over to her side, sitting on the edge of the bed by her hip. “I know you were starting to hate the color white.”

Sakura felt herself smile and finally looked at him. She instantly regretted it seeing how sad he looked and tore her eyes away to the window. He noticed and sighed. “Sakura, it’s not – I don’t _pity_ you.”

“Then, why are you looking at me like that? Like you’re sad for me?” Sakura challenged him. A voice in the back of her head nagged at her, telling her to stop acting like a brat. Stop pitying _herself_.

“Because I _am_ sad for you. I’m sad because _you’re_ sad, Sakura. And that’s not pity.” Shikamaru sounded as frustrated as she felt. She hated that she was doing this to him and wished she had the strength to push him away. But she was selfish.

She looked back at him to see him staring at her with such _determination_ in his eyes. “Sakura, I’m sad because I’ve barely seen you smile in weeks. Because I can see the woman that’s always fought through everything with gritted teeth and blood on her knuckles starting to lose hope. It’s… selfish of me. But I don’t want to see that happen to you.”

“Shikamaru.” Sakura felt her hard mask start to crumble as tears started to spill from the corner of her eyes. “My leg is _gone_.” She looked down at the wrapped prosthetic. She could appreciate the beauty of it, the design and attention to detail down to the knuckles in the toes, the seamless seal at her hip. But it wasn’t _her_ leg. It didn’t have the scars that she’d earned or that one toenail that was crooked or the burn mark on her ankle.

“Sakura, this is another chance. You have fully functioning leg; you just have to get used it.” He had similar things over the past weeks, but his voice had never held such conviction.

Maybe it was because it had been a bad physical therapy day or that Sakura didn’t feel like she was making any progress – though a part of her screamed that she _had_ – but she didn’t feel anything from his words besides hopelessness.

She shook her head. “I feel broken.”

“Would you say the same thing about Naruto or Sasuke? Or your patients? That they were broken? Do you pity them, Sakura?”

There was a sharp pain in her heart as she whipped her head towards him. “Of course not!”

He raised an eyebrow at her and put a hand on her leg, asking her in a serious tone, “Then why are you doing that to yourself? Don’t be a hypocrite.”

Sakura bit her lip and felt her voice shake as she asked him in a quiet voice, “What if I can’t go back into the field?” She tried to steady herself, her eyes going to the hand on her leg. _She couldn’t even feel him touching her._ “What if the chakra pathways reject each other? I know the science behind this. I designed Naruto and Sasuke’s arms with Tsunade. There’s a thirty percent chance that the chakra in my leg won’t work anymore. And then what? I stay here and tend to the shinobi that I can’t fight alongside anymore?” 

“Then, we’ll figure something else out.” Shikamaru moved his hand to one of hers, finally feeling the warmth from his fingers. “I have no doubt you could get through this. That you could be the amazing shinobi you have always been _even_ if you fall in that thirty percent. You just have to _try_.” He interlocked his fingers with hers, giving them a squeeze. “You have persevered through so much. Don’t let this be the end of that because it isn’t. It is not the end of your journey.”

Sakura brought a hand up to her face as she felt more tears threatening to fall. _How could he make her feel so warm inside, with his tight grip around her heart and his fingers digging into her veins?_

“Sakura, there is nothing wrong with you.” It was whispered to her in the cold room, the sound thrumming against her ears.

She didn’t reply and he added, “Stop pitying yourself. Turn that weakness into a strength like you have done with everything else in your life.”

It stung even though she had been telling it to herself since the beginning. It would’ve sounded harsh coming from anyone else. But she knew he said it out of concern.

The little girl inside of her, who cried at everything and pushed important people away from her didn’t want to hear it, though, and she took control of Sakura’s mouth. “Why are you pushing this so hard?”

His hand left hers and he answered quietly, “You know why.”

She did. She’d known for a while. Through their shared looks and knowing smiles behind friends’ backs. Through naps on grassy hills and whispered secrets in the night. Through tension in the air and sparks from their fingertips. _Through all that, how could she not know?_

But she didn’t feel she deserved it. Not now, maybe not even before. Not with how she had been acting. How she’d leaned on him and pouted in her room as he kept her company day in and day out, even requesting temporary leave until she recovered. Always there. Always her pillar.

She didn’t deserve him and kept her lips tight before she could be any more selfish than she already had.

She could see him out of her peripherals as she lowered her hand from her face and stared at a spot on the bed. His hands clasped together as he looked down at them with his eyes closed and jaw clenched. Her heart broke but didn’t allow her to say anything.

“You know,” Shikamaru cleared his throat, his voice thick, “when they brought you back from that mission, I didn’t think you were going to make it. I thought I’d already lost you.”

Sakura jerked her head to him, her breath catching in her throat. He opened his eyes but didn’t look at her. He shook his head as a few tears rolled down his cheeks. “But then you made it through it. And I didn’t _care_ that you’d lost your leg. I wouldn’t have cared if you’d lost _both_ of them or were burned all over your body with permanent scaring. I was only happy you had made it. I was so _thankful_. I just wanted to see you alive and well. And yes, I hurt for you. I hurt for your pain, Sakura, _so damn_ much. I know… this isn’t easy.”

He met her eyes and Sakura lost all sense of air in her lungs at the pain in his expression. “But I wouldn’t change a _thing_ about you.”

“Shikamaru –“ Sakura chocked out and reached for him but he stood up from the bed and turned his back to her.

He let out a shaky breath. “But I don’t want you to do this for me. I want you to do it for yourself.”

Sakura tried again, “Shikamaru – “

“I’ll… give you some time alone, Sakura. I’ll be back in a few days.”

And he was gone, the sound of the door sliding shut twisting like a kunai in her ribcage.

Sakura cried and she cried. But she cried for him, not for herself.

***

Sakura woke up the next day without Shikamaru by her side. He’d made a habit of getting there right before she woke up, bringing breakfast and warm conversation. But not today. Sakura took a deep breath and pushed the call button.

A medic nin walked into the room not a minute later. _Misaki_. She had been on Sakura’s first and only genin team – she hadn’t felt suited for it and didn’t pick up a new team. She was probably also too attached to her first team to consider another one. She smiled at her. “Did you need something, Sakura-sensei?”

Sakura sat up more in her bed. “Shikamaru won’t be able to come for a while, so I’ll be needing the hospital breakfast.”

Misaki nodded and made a move to leave, but Sakura called out to her, “Misaki-chan?”

She turned around instantly. “Yes, sensei?”

“I know I’ve been shrugging you and the other medics off. I’m sorry.” Sakura knew Shikamaru hadn’t been the only one affected by her behavior and she was determined to make amends.

“It’s okay, Sakura-sensei. Didn’t you always tell us that Kakashi-sama was stubborn whenever it came to letting others take care of him? I figured you had just fallen in his footsteps.” She quirked her lips at her.

Sakura smiled back but shook her head. “Yes, but that isn’t an excuse. You are my medics. I’ve trained most of you and I trust you all. You are more than capable of taking care of me. I let my pride get the best of me.”

Even with her dark skin, Sakura could see the faint blush across Misaki’s cheeks as she smiled shyly at her – _she still got embarrassed with Sakura’s praise_. Sakura couldn’t help but chuckle.

“You went through a great ordeal, sensei. None of us were offended when you wanted to be on your own. We understand how hard this must be.” She shrugged with a smile. “Most of us are shinobi too.”

Sakura nodded, thankful for her students and staff. She raised an eyebrow at her. “I think I’m ready to accept some help if the offer still stands and you all don’t want to just watch me stumble around. If so, I can understand.”

Misaki gave her a light laugh, shaking her head. “Of course. Joji and I can come with you to the therapy room after you’re finished with breakfast.”

Sakura told her thank you and Misaki left the room to get her some food. She sighed and looked out the window, barely able to see the clouds through the glass.

She wanted to be better. She wanted to get through this. Shikamaru was right. _About so much._ She didn’t want to wallow anymore.

It had taken her years to truly love herself for everything she had. To be proud of her accomplishments, of her training, and her hard work. She didn’t want to lose it. She _couldn’t_ lose that part of herself. She wouldn’t know who she was without it.

She looked down at her leg – because it _was_ her leg – and swallowed thickly. She was going to love it. It was part of her now and Sakura had vowed a long time ago that she wouldn’t feel insecure about herself anymore. That she wouldn’t hide behind bangs or a put-upon persona. She owed that to that little girl, _crybaby Sakura_ , who had grown _so much_.

She owed it to herself to let her love her.

***

Sakura had been walking, trying to not use the bar as much and failing. Then, gitteed her teach and accepted it, using the bar as much as she needed. Misaki had left her after Sakura shooed her away to go on a break. She had rarely left her side once Sakura beat her pride down, but there were times when Sakura did need to just struggle on her own.

She knew there would be days where she felt back at square one and she’d have to let herself rest, then get up again the next day. As long as she kept pushing and trying, she’d get where she wanted. She just needed to be kind to herself.

She’d made a few trips back and forth and was about to call it for the day, glancing at her wheelchair that she tried to not resent so much, when she turned and saw Shikamaru behind her. It had been over a week since she last saw him and her heart skipped a beat when her eyes landed on his spiked hair.

His hands were in his pockets, his eyes nervous but he tried for a smile. “Glad to see you training.”

_Training._ Shikamaru always had a way of making her feel better about things even with a simple word choice.

Sakura nodded at him, leaning against the bar. She smiled over the frantic beating of her heart. “I thought it was time I did this more seriously.”

Shikamaru laughed under his breath and nodded at her. His voice was thick as he spoke, “Good.”

“Shikamaru.” Sakura took a step towards him and almost slipped. She didn’t feel the progress from her weeks’ worth of work. She was just as bad at this as she was a few days ago. But she knew it would take _time_ and she wouldn’t get there if she didn’t work at it.

He reached his hand out for her stepping forward, but Sakura shook her head. “No, stay there. I can come to you.”

He didn’t reply and only smiled at her, remaining still at the end of the bar. She could feel so much adoration from how he looked at her. She took another step, wanting to show him she wasn’t going to give up on this. She wanted him to be proud of her.

It wasn’t graceful. Far from it and she almost fell two more times. But she’d made it to the end of the bar, to Shikamaru.

His eyes were glossed over as he looked down at her and Sakura felt herself laugh with tears at the corner of her eyes. She told him breathless. “I decided I wanted to try. That I was going to figure it out and love this piece of metal.”

“Because _you_ want to?” he asked her softly.

“Because I want to.” She nodded, not breaking his gaze.

He grabbed her face in his hands and leaned down to kiss her without further comment. She kissed him back, warmth flooding her veins. It felt like the calm waters after a storm.

Then he leaned back and let out a short breath, his eyes searching for hers. His face was so full of emotion, different ones mixing in his eyes before finally settling on one. It was soft and sure and overwhelming. “I love you.”

Sakura let go of the bar and threw her arms around him, knowing he’d catch her.


End file.
